I used to be in the midst of serving to my mother out of her hospital mattress to the lavatory when my son referred to as and couldn’t discover his cleats. Each of those duties would have been manageable, apart from the truth that my work electronic mail inbox had simply handed 100 “unread” messages once more. Every was occupying house at the back of my thoughts, and the phrase “drowning” stored flashing in entrance of my eyes, like a warning on a bomb that was about to blow up.
However the emergent and exhausting state of affairs I discovered myself in, caring for each the older and youthful technology, doesn’t have a time period for the way you are feeling such as you would possibly drown or explode in any respect. As a substitute, we’ve coined the phrase “sandwich mothers.” Or, even cuter, Lauren Wittenberg Weiner, PhD, writer and enterprise therapist in Tampa, Florida, calls it the “panini technology.”
“The panini technology means pressures not simply from above and beneath—mother and father and children—however from all sides… I’ve two wonderful youngsters, each of whom play aggressive ice hockey (and often break themselves, on and off the ice),” she says. “My mother and father reside down the road, and my mother has superior Alzheimer’s. My dad has Parkinson’s, extreme osteoporosis and glaucoma, which is a very dangerous mixture of poor stability and sight, coupled with bones which are fragile, so he additionally breaks himself rather a lot.”
When pressured to decide on between work and caregiving, sandwich mothers typically make a troublesome sacrifice they shouldn’t need to: shifting their profession to the again burner, again seat or again of thoughts or, quitting altogether.
Based on a 2022 survey from Pew Analysis, 54% of People of their 40s have an getting older guardian 65 and older and still have a toddler they’re elevating or serving to help. The 2025 Profession Optimism Report from the College of Phoenix discovered that 59% of the sandwich mothers surveyed felt that being a dual-caregiver held again their profession. Moreover, 62% reported feeling that having a profession whereas a dual-caregiver was a luxurious. Sandwich mothers additionally skilled larger ranges of stress (59%) in comparison with non-sandwich mothers (48%), together with frustration and isolation.
Function Pressure
Many psychological well being specialists will let you know one of many first secrets and techniques to understanding a phenomenon in your thoughts is to call it, and the identical is true of sandwich mothers. Dr. Daniel Glazer, a medical psychologist in London shares the medical time period for that maxed out feeling is “function pressure.”
“[It’s] a state the place competing calls for maintain the thoughts on standby even when the home feels calm. This background vigilance drains consideration, heightens irritability and sometimes leaves folks wrestling with a gradual sense of guilt as a result of nothing ever feels absolutely executed,” he says. “Merely naming these reactions helps; research present caregivers who establish their stress response usually tend to ask a relative to step in for a night or to make use of a short grownup day service, and these brief breaks cut back the incidence of depressive signs.”
Glazer says this degree of stress isn’t sustainable or with out penalties — “extended stress reshapes the physique.” He says sandwich mothers battle to slot in train, get an actual evening’s sleep (as they’re in a hypervigilant state), depend on comfort meals and enhance the danger of a number of situations within the course of. “Persistently elevated cortisol raises blood strain, weakens immune surveillance and aggravates situations similar to migraine or diabetes,” he says. “It may be reversed when stress publicity falls and well being routines enhance, so a 20-minute stroll or an uninterrupted lunch are therapeutic acts, not luxuries.”
Sandwich Momming Isn’t Low cost
Should you really feel such as you’re draining your pockets along with your vitality, it’s since you are. Grabbing these prescriptions on your mother and father, ensuring your child is signed up for sports activities or childcare and choosing up quick meals for your self while you understand you haven’t eaten all day provides up.
The 2025 Profession Optimism Report additionally discovered that 70% of sandwich mothers use financial savings to pay for childcare and 47% reported they’d need to postpone their very own retirement to help their mother and father and youngsters. The survey discovered that 52% of sandwich mothers’ paychecks go to caregiving prices, whereas 51% of sandwich mothers report they’ve left their careers to deal with caregiving tasks.
The irony is it’s onerous to help two generations if it’s important to cut back or stop your job, furthering that “function pressure.” One of many methods some sandwich mothers are stopping this cycle from repeating is making ready their very own affairs so their kids don’t have the identical situation.
“The care that our mother and father typically want exceeds their earnings, and I’ve been fortunate to have the ability to financially offset the distinction wanted to offer the required and mandatory care wanted,” says Cassie Zebisch-Schienle, founding father of CMZPR, a PR and media relations agency in Los Angeles. “However I’ve taken the required steps to make sure that I don’t place my kids in the identical monetary state of affairs down the street. Lengthy-term well being care [insurance] is one thing many don’t take into consideration till they want it and at that time, it’s typically too costly to afford.”
A Office Outfitted for Sandwich Mothers?
What would a office outfitted to maintain sandwich mothers not solely employed however profitable seem like? Leah Miller, a advertising strategist at Versys Media and a sandwich mother, is aware of. She has two younger kids beneath 10 and cares for her mom with dementia. “Juggling these private tasks alongside a management function at a worldwide digital company has been the defining problem of my profession. In 2021, when my mom had a fall that briefly hospitalized her, I significantly thought-about stepping away from work,” she says.
However her crew rallied round her, and even allowed for a change in how she structured her time, serving to her get (all) her jobs executed effectively with out burning out. “I transitioned to a extra project-based cadence, leaning on async collaboration and delegating execution-heavy work to trusted crew leads,” she says.
She says discovering stability is an hour-to-hour battle. “Some days it’s 80% caregiving, 20% technique. Different days, I’m main consumer displays whereas my toddler naps and my mother’s caregiver checks in,” she says. “Psychological well being is non-negotiable now; I’ve biweekly remedy classes and I block out weekly no-call home windows to recalibrate. I needed to let go of perfectionism, and as I inform my shoppers, consistency outperforms depth over time.”
Her crew has even formally tailored insurance policies to permit “versatile caregiver help,” she says, and he or she has modified how she leads others too—“extra empathetically, extra effectively and with deeper boundaries.”
“Analysis on organizational psychology finds that versatile schedules and real distant work choices enhance retention amongst this sandwich technology, and staff who set clear boundaries protect each productiveness and morale,” says Glazer.
In case your office isn’t desirous about a versatile schedule, it is likely to be time to search for one other firm. For instance, Elizabeth Miller, founder, speaker and caregiving coach at Joyful Wholesome Caregiver in Marietta, Georgia, first modified firms to at least one with much less journey and extra predictable scheduling necessities. Finally, she resigned her company profession, as an alternative changing into a full-time entrepreneur as she cares for her brother with a number of disabilities and situations.
Prioritizing ‘Micro-Investments’
Inform a sandwich mother she wants some “me” time and also you’ll probably have her laughing at your misunderstanding of her state of affairs. However, Weiner says, it’s potential for mothers to reclaim their very own identification by “micro-investments.”
“You aren’t merely the roles you play for others, and one of many priorities have to be a while for your self. It doesn’t need to be good. You don’t need to plan an expensive spa weekend along with your girlfriends, though that might be heavenly,” she says. “Giving your self time will be so simple as getting a espresso with somebody in your life who wants nothing from you aside from your organization. Discover these micro-investments in your self and add them to your precedence checklist.”
Examples is likely to be:
- Taking the great distance residence with a favourite drink and a podcast.
- Shopping for or making your self a meal you can sit and eat whereas it’s nonetheless scorching
- Scheduling a standing telephone name with a buddy that can assist you really feel much less irritable
- Respiratory out of your diaphragm, and making it a follow earlier than heading into your own home
Watch For Pink Flags
Caregivers’ burnout, together with bodily and emotional tolls, is changing into extra overtly mentioned. “One of many earliest hazard indicators is a sense that your emotional vary has flattened. You discover that pleasure, frustration and disappointment register extra as a muted buzz fairly than a full expertise, and you might catch your self snapping with little or no provocation,” Glazer says, including it’s greater than having a “dangerous week.” “The physique typically broadcasts its personal warnings, similar to frequent pressure complications, an irritable bowel that flares with out dietary adjustments and a string of minor viral infections, which present that the autonomic nervous system is caught in excessive gear whereas immune surveillance wanes.”
He hopes folks noticing these patterns construct “intentional restoration intervals” into their calendars, together with one weeknight off. “Shield it with the identical firmness you’d a medical appointment.
“Restoration is never dramatic; it arrives by regular consideration to psychological, social and organic cues till the nervous system relearns a calmer baseline.”
Picture from fizkes/Shutterstock.com
