Might Curiosity Be the Finest Medication for Persistent Sickness?

“Whether or not you suppose you possibly can, otherwise you suppose you possibly can’t, you’re proper.” ~Henry Ford

We’ve all been there: fortunately ticking off life’s checkboxes, sure we’ve cracked the code, till—bam!—life decides in any other case. Divorce papers, layoffs, grief, or surprising sickness—life’s curveballs don’t discriminate.

For me, it was a sudden thriller sickness at sixteen. What ought to have been a easy an infection modified the trajectory of my whole life. Medical doctors had been at a loss, exams supplied no solutions, and I used to be left navigating an unsure actuality, desperately clinging to manage as my lifeline.

At some point I’m cheering on the Friday evening soccer sport, and the following I’m navigating a seemingly limitless string of endoscopies, colonoscopies, biopsies, EEGs, EKGs, psych exams, numerous blood exams, and nonetheless no solutions.

I keep in mind the day all of it went improper.

I used to be in highschool watching a film at a pal’s home once we burned the popcorn. Annoying, positive, however not a trigger for concern. Apart from me, the room began spinning, and my head felt prefer it was going to blow up, so I stepped exterior to get some air.

Subsequent factor I do know, the lovable boy I had a crush on discovered me handed out within the driveway. This was the start of chasing signs that had been solely getting extra mysterious and more and more worrisome.

Navigating a continual thriller sickness as a younger grownup felt unattainable, devastatingly unfair, and inconsistent. One week I might suppose the worst was behind me, lastly in a position to put my life again collectively, and the following I used to be blindsided as soon as once more by some new symptom.

My pals had been getting jobs, going to events, courting, and discovering who they had been whereas I used to be curled up on the toilet ground. By my twenties, leaving necessary conferences at work to throw up blood within the rest room was my regular.

The toughest half was by no means understanding if I might belief my very own physique. Was I going to get up wholesome or in excruciating ache?

I spent years in sufferer mode, attempting to “get it proper,” believing if I attempted laborious sufficient I might management my method out of the issue. If I might simply anticipate each twist, I’d by no means really feel blindsided once more.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t work. My well being spiraled, my relationships suffered, and monetary issues and self-medication changed self-compassion and safety. No quantity of management shielded me from the inevitable messiness of being human, particularly a human with a continual sickness.

Alongside the best way, there have been so many rock bottoms I’m unsure I might select one pivotal second. By the point I used to be approaching thirty, I had been on state incapacity and was taking so many meds that I used to be having paranoid, suicidal ideas. It was clear that no matter uphill battle I used to be preventing wasn’t working, however I didn’t see one other method out, and I used to be too younger to surrender. I believe they name this being caught between a rock and a tough place.

There was nowhere to go for recommendation or extra solutions, and that’s the loneliest I’ve ever been. The unknown was sitting there, staring me within the face, enjoying a sport of hen.

Regardless of any proof that I used to be going to win, I wasn’t going to again down both. So I walked away from conventional remedy plans, which weren’t working anyway, and targeted on what I might management: my mindset and my perspective. It was time to discover ways to make proverbial lemonade from a batch of rotten lemons.

To protect the small quantity of sanity I had left, curiosity grew to become my lifeline. Since resisting or controlling actuality didn’t work, what if I obtained interested by it as an alternative? This wasn’t about blind optimism, poisonous positivity, or magical considering. Frankly, manifesting and cosmic belief felt too far-fetched for somebody who didn’t know if they might be capable to bodily or mentally get away from bed.

I wanted one thing sensible, one thing that felt grounded and doable. “What if?” helped me droop actuality simply lengthy sufficient to see issues otherwise. It shifted from a difficult self-experiment to my new tenet.

What if my physique wasn’t betraying me however instructing me one thing essential?
What if each upheaval wasn’t punishment however an invite to deeper self-awareness?
What if I might discover a option to be completely satisfied, even when life wasn’t what I assumed it might be?
What if I wasn’t damaged; I simply wanted to do issues in another way than different folks?
What if it didn’t should be this difficult?

Over time, curiosity helped me open a brand new actuality, one the place my largest ache was additionally my biggest instructor. I used to be pressured to observe sitting within the discomfort of the unknown and am all the higher for it. Finally, I used to be recognized with a mitochondrial dysfunction, however on the time, remedy choices had been restricted, so my prognosis didn’t present any extra certainty than earlier than.

The street was lengthy and bumpy, to say the least. I imply, there was a whole decade I used to be hopeless, jobless, and puking blood on the day by day. However alongside the best way, my medical journey pressured me to embrace a brand new narrative, one the place I didn’t see myself as sick. I modified my relationship to not solely my physique but additionally to how I take a look at life. What felt like a limitation was the important thing to unlocking my liberation—I simply didn’t realize it on the time.

Whereas not a magic tablet, this shift helped me heal and keep wholesome for nearly ten years. Little did I do know that one other curveball was ready for me on my fortieth birthday.

After struggling mould poisoning resulting from a water leak in my condominium, my mitochondrial dysfunction got here again in full power. I used to be puking blood on the toilet ground and all. This time, I wasn’t sixteen, and I had the instruments to reclaim my energy when the whole lot round me was falling aside. As a substitute of spiraling about my lack of management or the unfair circumstances, I had the framework to maneuver ahead.

This didn’t change my very actual and painful challenges. It didn’t reduce the monetary blow or logistical upheaval to my life. However it did permit me to traverse a relapse with the curiosity I wanted to maneuver ahead calmly and confidently, regardless of this new uncertainty.

If you happen to’ve struggled with Hashimoto’s, perimenopause, intestine points, continual fatigue, again ache, despair, or another undesirable prognosis, possibly you possibly can relate. That’s the factor about continual sickness—the signs could also be totally different, however the ache of understanding tips on how to transfer ahead is often the identical.

My classes had been hard-earned, however they helped me rework ache into risk when the whole lot felt unsure, and hopefully, they may also help you too.

My three steps to navigating life’s uncertainties:

1. Curiosity is the door to risk.

When life inevitably disrupts your rigorously laid plans, permit your self the house to grieve the lack of your expectations. Let your self really feel the ache as a result of acceptance is vital to transferring ahead. Then gently ask, “What if?”

This will really feel disruptive at first as a result of, in case you’re like me, you’ll cling to the truth you recognize like a life raft in a stormy sea. However in case you can’t even entertain a unique end result for a second, then nothing will ever change.

What if my physique isn’t failing however asking me to decelerate?
What if ending this relationship permits house for a deeper connection?
What if dropping my job is forcing me to not accept adequate?
What if this example is asking me to lastly face a tough reality I’ve been hiding from?

This isn’t naive positivity; it’s a strong cognitive shift. Curiosity disrupts routine considering and creates house for brand spanking new truths you beforehand couldn’t think about. Once you discover totally different realities, you can begin seeing alternative the place earlier than all you noticed was ache.

Motion: Listing your present struggles. Beside every, write down one daring, curiosity-driven “What if?” query. It isn’t wishful considering—it’s difficult your self to open your thoughts to a brand new risk.

2. Radical accountability is your private energy.

We’re all storytellers, weaving that means into the occasions in our lives. For years, my narrative was, “This isn’t truthful,” “Why did this occur to me,” or “I’m sick, so one thing’s essentially improper with me.”

Whereas not nice for my psychological well being, this narrative supplied consolation as a result of there’s security in certainty—and in case you’re the sufferer of your individual story, you don’t want to vary. However consolation got here at the price of my company. Even when it isn’t your fault, you’re answerable for the state of your life as a result of what you don’t change, you select.

Over time, I acknowledged that whereas the restrictions of my sickness had been actual, my identification didn’t should be outlined by them. Radical accountability doesn’t imply blaming your self or anybody else for all times’s twists. It means reclaiming your capability to decide on the way you interpret and deal with these occasions.

I ultimately selected to rewrite my narrative: my sickness wasn’t proof I used to be damaged; it was proof of my resilience, a catalyst for progress, and my biggest instructor. This allowed me to create a actuality the place I wasn’t simply enduring a continual sickness; I used to be thriving and studying tips on how to turn out to be the perfect model of myself.

Motion: Write down a perception that’s preserving you caught. Rewrite it beginning with, “I select to consider… as a result of…” Then resolve if that perception is serving you, or if you wish to make a unique alternative. Discover how this shift feels. You management the narrative, not the circumstance.

3. Group is the important thing to braveness.

Dealing with uncertainty alone is overwhelming and counterproductive. Who you encompass your self with not solely offers help; it shapes your actuality profoundly. I discovered rapidly that surrounding myself with individuals who validated my struggles as an alternative of my progress saved me spinning in cycles.

Statements like “Life isn’t truthful,” “There’s by no means sufficient,” or “That’s simply how issues are” are in all places, however they turn out to be silent saboteurs. What you say and who you spend time with form what you consider is feasible for your self and others.

Discovering folks, locations, and hobbies that help your curiosity, problem your notion of what’s doable, and encourage your evolution are important. I’ve been moments away from quitting numerous instances, solely to be saved by those that jogged my memory of my energy and progress. I take a look at the folks round me with deep love, gratitude, and respect as a result of how they present up on this planet jogs my memory of what’s doable.

Motion: Replicate actually in your relationships. Listing individuals who encourage braveness and progress and people who reinforce limitations, even when they imply nicely. Prioritize nurturing the supportive connections.

The Takeaway

My expertise navigating a lifetime of continual sickness has taught me that you may’t struggle the inevitable, messy elements of life. They aren’t all the time truthful (or enjoyable), however yow will discover freedom as an alternative of concern throughout the liminal areas. Embracing uncertainty, nevertheless uncomfortable, has proven me that when the whole lot is unknown, something is feasible.

If you happen to’re skeptical, I perceive—I’ve been there. However what if the unknown isn’t one thing to concern however one thing to discover? What if embracing uncertainty is the key superpower you’ve been on the lookout for?

Whether or not it’s coping with continual sickness or another surprising plot twist life throws your method, moving into the unknown isn’t straightforward, however belief me, it’s so price it. On the opposite facet is a life that’s authentically, unapologetically yours—messy, imperfect, and profoundly liberating.