It’s a phrase we frequently come to dread, keep away from or worry—particularly with regards to saying it to your boss. However what if a no now may truly create a sure later? It would even be the spine precept of setting wholesome boundaries within the office, and also you could be stunned what number of occasions the phrase no may open doorways you by no means anticipated.
Why no will get a nasty rap
Your first publicity to no was in all probability in your childhood when your family members used it to guard you from outdoors forces that would trigger you bodily or psychological hurt. However as we age, the connection with the phrase can usually lead us to wish to keep away from troublesome conversations with our bosses and colleagues.
“From a psychological standpoint, the discomfort round saying no is usually linked to people-pleasing tendencies, which stem from a worry of disappointing others or being seen as insufficient,” says Ann Monis, CEO and a medical and forensic psychologist at Medical Anti Growing older. “That is frequent in excessive achievers who tie their self-worth to exterior validation.”
Monis explains that our mind registers rejection as a menace, resulting in that fight-or-flight feeling we get after we assume our no may result in disappointment from others or a poor final result. The sensation can enhance anxiousness and as Monis factors out, “[make] it really feel bodily uncomfortable to say no, even in conditions the place it’s utterly cheap.”
“Many individuals are wired to imagine that saying no is the same as rejection, or failure,” she says. “That worry comes from deep-rooted beliefs tied to approval, authority dynamics and even childhood experiences.”
The assumption that utilizing the phrase no alerts a failure definitely isn’t restricted to america workforce.
“I used to assume saying ‘no’ at work was dangerous, such as you may get labeled as complicated or not a group participant,” says Tetiana Burda, CAO on the soft-development firm Syndicode in Portugal . “After I was main HR, I noticed this worry on a regular basis. Folks would overload themselves, conform to inconceivable deadlines and tackle work that wasn’t theirs to keep away from disappointing somebody. And to be sincere, I did the identical.”
Then she had a turning level the place she stopped agreeing to all the pieces to show her price.
“I used to be dealing with HR, juggling one million issues, after which got here the basic, ‘Tetiana, you must also tackle this extra venture.’ The outdated me would have nodded and figured it out at 2 within the morning. As a substitute, I mentioned, ‘I’d love to assist, but when I take this on, I received’t be capable of dedicate sufficient consideration to my present duties. Which one’s the precedence?’” Burda says. “That was the second all the pieces modified. As a substitute of being seen as somebody who simply mentioned ‘no,’ I used to be seen as somebody who thought strategically. And humorous sufficient, that shift led to extra vital duties, actual ones, not simply further work.”
Making your no as straightforward as sure
Whereas the phrase no won’t be a favourite or most utilized phrase in your vocabulary, consultants remind us that it is without doubt one of the most essential to grasp, particularly for setting wholesome boundaries at work.
“The power to say no at work is in the end about self-management and long-term profession development,” says Tim Brown, founding father of the Hook Company in Minneapolis. “Probably the most profitable professionals are those that know the best way to stability their workload, prioritize successfully, and talk boundaries in a manner that builds respect.”
So if no is so troublesome for many people to say, how can we even start to set these boundaries? Consultants say it begins with rethinking what no actually means.
“As a substitute of viewing it as a rejection, see it as an act of self-preservation and strategic decision-making,” says Monis. “A robust reframe is: ‘Saying no to 1 factor means I’m saying sure to one thing else that aligns with my objectives and well-being.’ This shifts the narrative from worry of penalties to confidence in prioritization.”
Brown says if a deliberate no makes you too anxious, think about different methods you may reframe your response, as an example:
- Begin by acknowledging the request by utilizing phrasing like, “That seems like an fascinating venture…”
- Present context: “…however I’m at the moment centered on assembly a deadline for [another task].”
- Provide some alternate options: “Wouldn’t it be useful if I assisted differently or revisited this at a later time?”
“This fashion, you’re not simply saying no—you’re exhibiting that you simply’re considerate and dedicated to delivering high quality work,” he says.
For these simply beginning out on their job journey, Brown admits that it could be straightforward to make use of sure as the best way to remain related, however it could actually simply result in overcommitting and burnout. As a substitute, he says deal with saying sure to alternatives that align with your individual objectives or expertise you want to develop, and actively work to “say no to duties that overextend you or diminish your efficiency on higher-priority duties.”
When the phrase no creates room for a sure
For Paige Bennett, director of experiential advertising and marketing at Awardco, a rewards and recognition platform in Lindon, Utah, no made it potential to say sure to one thing higher.
“Early in my profession, I mentioned no to a promotion,” she says. “On paper, it was an incredible alternative, however I knew it wasn’t the fitting match for what I needed to do and the place I needed to go. As a substitute of speeding into management for the sake of development, I centered on creating the abilities I actually needed. That call allowed me to step right into a management position later, one which aligned with my strengths and passions.
“At first, it was intimidating to inform my leaders no,” she provides. “I nervous about how it will be perceived and if it will affect future alternatives. However I by no means regretted it as a result of it in the end led me to the place I’m now, a spot the place I really feel utterly at peace with my profession path.”
She provides that her leaders expressed a deep respect for her determination. “Some have even reached out years afterward LinkedIn to say how a lot it impressed them and the way proud they’re of the place I’m at present. That have strengthened for me that success isn’t about taking each alternative—it’s about taking the fitting ones.”
Photograph by Raushaun_films/Shutterstock.com
