“Typically the strongest factor you are able to do is to ask for assist.” ~Unknown
We dwell in a world that praises energy—particularly quiet energy. The sort that exhibits up, will get issues accomplished, and infrequently complains. The sort that’s resilient, reliable, productive. However what occurs when the sturdy one quietly breaks inside?
“You’re a superwoman!”
“You’re so dependable!”
“You’re the glue that holds everybody collectively.”
I wore these compliments like badges of honor. For years, I believed them. Not simply believed them—I constructed my id round them.
I’ve all the time been a multitasker. A jack of all trades. I managed work, house, relationships, and 100 transferring items in between. I cooked elaborate meals, remembered birthdays, purchased considerate presents, checked in on pals recurrently, confirmed up for strangers when wanted, pursued hobbies, supported others’ goals, and pushed by means of bodily ache or emotional fatigue with out criticism.
I used to be the one individuals turned to. And in the event that they didn’t flip to me, I turned to them. If somebody was going by means of a tough time, I’d present up with soup, a handwritten card, or a name that stretched for hours. I’d intuit wants earlier than they had been spoken.
And when individuals mentioned issues like “Wow! How do you even handle all this?” or “You’re unbelievable,” my coronary heart swelled with delight. It felt good to be seen. It felt highly effective to be wanted.
However over time, I started to understand one thing quietly tragic.
Beneath all that energy was somebody drained. Not the type of drained that sleep might repair—however the sort that comes from years of overriding your individual wants for others. The sort that comes from complicated love with over-giving. The sort that sneaks up once you’ve worn the strong-one masks for thus lengthy, you don’t know who you’re with out it.
I didn’t see it as people-pleasing again then—I actually beloved being useful. I believed that if I might ease somebody’s burden, why shouldn’t I? Isn’t that what love appears like? Isn’t that what kindness does?
However slowly, quietly, invisibly, it was taking a toll on me. My pores and skin had withered, my hair had thinned, and I’d placed on weight round my waist.
As I grew older, I started to really feel the shift. The identical enthusiasm that when lasted till midnight now light by sundown. The fatigue wasn’t simply bodily—it was emotional, non secular. My physique wasn’t breaking down, however my soul was whispering, “You possibly can’t maintain carrying every little thing.”
And ultimately, I listened.
As a result of one thing lovely and painful hit me suddenly:
Energy isn’t about holding all of it collectively. Typically, actual energy is in realizing when to let go.
It’s in saying, “I don’t need to be sturdy immediately.”
It’s in resting, with no need to earn it.
It’s in telling the reality when somebody asks, “How are you?” and answering, “I’m really not okay.”
It’s in giving your self permission to be absolutely, messily, unapologetically human.
The world doesn’t inform us that. It tells us to hustle. To push. To maintain going. That relaxation is a reward, not a proper. That slowing down is weak spot. That softness is fragility.
However now I do know that softness is a type of energy too. A courageous sort. A form that doesn’t scream or carry out—it simply is.
So, How Do You Start Letting Go of the “Robust One” Position?
Letting go doesn’t imply giving up in your values. It means loosening the grip on the stress to be every little thing to everybody. It means rewriting what energy means to you. Right here’s how I started doing that:
1. Test in with your self every day.
Ask: What do I would like immediately?
Not what’s on my to-do record or who wants me, however what would make me really feel centered proper now?
Typically the reply is water. Typically it’s stillness. Typically it’s motion, or tears, or music. You gained’t know until you pause to ask. Even 5 minutes of silence—earlier than mattress, within the bathe, or whereas sipping your tea—can reconnect you to your self.
2. Be taught to obtain assist.
You don’t have to hold every little thing alone. Let another person prepare dinner the meal. Let another person take the lead. If somebody provides assist, don’t reflexively say “I’m high quality” or “I’ve obtained it.” Say thanks. Allow them to present up for you.
I keep in mind at some point telling a buddy that I used to be exhausted and simply not within the temper to prepare dinner. She supplied to ship over meals, and I accepted it—with gratitude and aid.
Letting somebody look after you want that doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. Accepting assist builds connection, permits others to indicate love, and infrequently brings a quiet pleasure that’s simply as nourishing because the assist itself.
3. Let go of the applause.
Right here’s the laborious fact: validation feels wonderful—nevertheless it will also be a lure. You begin doing issues not since you need to, however as a result of others anticipate it from you. The cycle is addictive.
Ask your self: Would I nonetheless do that if nobody observed or clapped?
If the reply isn’t any, give your self permission to step again. Select pleasure over efficiency. Select peace over reward.
4. Set tender boundaries.
You don’t want to elucidate or justify your “no.”
For years, I might justify mine, feeling the necessity to clarify or defend it. Slowly, I started altering the narrative. Now, I gently and unapologetically say, “I’d love to assist, however I don’t have the capability proper now.” “Can I get again to you on this?”“I would like a while for myself this weekend.”
Boundaries aren’t about pushing individuals away—they’re about defending your inside panorama. The extra you honor them, the extra spacious, calm, and sort your life turns into.
5. Redefine what it means to be sturdy.
We’ve been taught that energy is about endurance, resilience, and by no means exhibiting weak spot. However actual energy will also be quiet, tender, and human.
I keep in mind at some point, fully overwhelmed, a detailed buddy got here to examine on me. When she requested how I used to be, I couldn’t maintain it in—I simply broke down. She didn’t attempt to repair something; she merely held me, letting me pour out every little thing I’d been carrying. And in that second, I felt lighter than I had in months.
Energy isn’t all the time in doing extra. Typically it’s in being absolutely current with your self, in your softness, in taking a pause, and in saying “not immediately” with out guilt.
6. Prioritize relaxation such as you would a deadline.
Relaxation isn’t laziness. It’s gas. It’s sacred.
You don’t want to attend for burnout to relaxation. You don’t want to complete every little thing in your record to earn stillness. Schedule it. Guard it. Honor it.
Make relaxation a every day ritual—not a uncommon luxurious. Your physique, thoughts, and spirit will thanks.
As soon as I started prioritizing relaxation, I observed a shift—not simply in my vitality, however in my readability, temper, and talent to actually present up for myself and others. Life felt lighter, and I lastly understood that honoring my physique wasn’t egocentric—it was essential.
To These Who’ve All the time Been the Robust Ones
If you happen to’ve all the time been the caregiver, the doer, the dependable one… I see you. I honor you.
However I need to remind you of one thing you could have forgotten:
You don’t must show your price by means of over-functioning. You don’t must sacrifice your well-being to be beloved. You don’t must maintain exhibiting up because the “sturdy one” when your coronary heart is quietly asking for a break.
You had been by no means meant to hold all of it.
You possibly can take the cape off now. You possibly can exhale. You possibly can cry. You may be tender. You possibly can ask for assist. You possibly can select relaxation. You possibly can let somebody maintain house for you.
Since you’ve already accomplished sufficient. Since you are sufficient. And since energy isn’t about how a lot you carry—it’s about realizing when to let go.
Let your new energy be rooted in gentleness. Let your softness lead. Let your coronary heart exhale.
About Aruna Joshi
Aruna Joshi is an creator of 4 books, an emotional wellness advocate, and the voice behind Zen Whispers, a weblog for deep-feeling souls who crave gentleness, fact, and readability. By way of private tales and tender reflections, she helps readers really feel much less alone of their inside struggles. You could find her at thezenwhispers.substack.com.
